so here it goes.
the way America's Best Dance Crew happened for me was devastating. being the first crew to be eliminated in front of millions of people was embarrassing and birthed an enormous deficit in my confidence.
there. i said it.
to be honest, (and my crew knows this) i didn't want to audition for the show. we had decided to audition merely days prior to the audition date and i hate throwing things together last minute. feeling rushed. but they convinced me into auditioning and alas, they were right, we pulled it off and made it onto Season 5.
"When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it." (Gen. 3:6)
that was the beginning of when i started living for my potential and not for my calling.
i'm not saying that ABDC was a horrible experience or that i am not extremely thankful for it! it was indeed quite the opposite. i do believe that God meets us where we are. that he listens to us and cares about the desires we have. that plays a big part in the love he has in giving us the ability to make our own decisions. but i also believe that just because i'm good at something, i.e. that i have the potential to do it and perhaps do it well, doesn't mean that i should or that it's the right decision.
ABDC is good. it's desirable. there are many things in life you will see and i'm sure have seen, that are pleasing to the eye, but that doesn't mean it's for you. and if you start making decisions based off of these qualities i've put in italics, you could very possibly find yourself sitting at the end of your bed one day wondering where God is in the decisions you've made.
ever since the show ended, i've been dancing for the wrong reasons. i've been dancing for other people. not for God's purposes. and please don't think i'm being an over-religious douche cock when i say that. what i mean is that i found myself at the airport trying to catch the red-eye for a Janet audition in NYC and didn't even want to go. Janet's great. she's famous and knows how to write songs about sex, but i didn't grow up revering her. i loved No Doubt, Garbage, Tom Petty. so since when did this whole switch happen? when did i get to a point in my talent to where Janet has to mean something to me and be the epitome of who a dancer wants to back-up?
something was radically wrong.
by chance, standby happened to bump me so many times that i wouldn't make it to NY in time for the audition, so came home. to write this.
what i'm saying is that what inspires people the most is when you know who you are and share it without shame and with joy. and it is my belief, that the more i spend time with God, the more i figure things out like that.
there is a freedom in not living for other people's expectations, nor your own. i fail people all the time and i fail myself. i'm sure if i ever meet you one day, i'll fail you. but i also know that if i find myself thinking that i've failed God, i'm wrong. we can never fail him. we can ignore him, we can sin against him, we can disappoint him. but we can never fail him. to fail God would go against the very essence of what Christianity is all about. that, my friend, is the Good News.
Interesting.. And I agree with you! Keep your faith and you'll definitely start to see the path more clearly.ReplyDelete
On another note, you and the crew did great on ABDC regardless of being eliminated early..
Thank you for being so raw and sharing your heart! Much Love!ReplyDelete
That is so good Liz! When I saw you were on ABDC it was like ooommmggg! :) and then when you were emliminated i was like oomgg that's still awesome you made it that far..all of the dances were great..and they can't keep everyone..but you just have to remember is that God put you there on season 5 even if was just for one round...you were on there. and you made more friends...who you can reach out to. He sets people in our lives for different reason..and different situations up for different reason. maybe he made it so you would get as far as the standby flights that you would have time to finally stop..think and listen to what He was telling you. Those moments in our life our so sweet and so easy to stray away from. but i guess its hard to run away from talking to Him if you are stranded in an airport :) you are amazing. and i am going to miss you when i see bobby and ed this summer :(ReplyDelete
i was just reading about gifts that God gives us and how important it is not only to figure out what they are, but to practice them because of how much it is part of fulfilling our destiny's. i am pleased to hear that you are being so honest not only with us, but with yourself. But know that God also to give us the desires of our hearts...potential has nothing to do with you...we all have "potential" to do something great, but only a handful fight for that "potential" to come true. you know as much as i do, when God tells you not to do something and you do anyway, we are the ones who's going to pay for it (one of my many knee surgeries). So just because He maybe calling you not to go into certain areas of the industry, AT A PARTICULAR TIME, it doesn't mean that you are not called into that career field. You are so gifted...not just in dance, i know that...you know that...your art is ridiculous...but when God gives you a passion for things it's for a reason...we love Him during the good and hard times...He is trimming the fat off of you so that you can see how He sees...ReplyDelete
do i think He wants you to make an impact in this industry: YES! standing in your faith alone is making a difference in all the dancers that you come into contact with. i'm praying that God will instill in you with certainty about where you are supposed to be...that His Will would be revealed to you with fresh eyes...and that you would not only recieve it, but have a sense of peace of knowing who you are in Him. i love you. i'm proud of you.
i just wanted to write a quick note to everyone who commented and say thank you. it means more than you know to have my friends care about what i write. and wonderful reflections from all of you.ReplyDelete
I agree - I believe everything happens for a reason... We're put in situations (like you @ the airport, waiting for an audition you weren't so into) for a purpose. And then, no matter what happens, you have a choice of how to react - and that's the truly miraculous part: you have a CHOICE. And the choice isn't going to be "bad" or even "wrong" - it just leads you to the next fork along your path to descovering your true purpose.ReplyDelete
And, might I add, I love that moment you had - when we reflect on our experiences and see them weaving and shaping us! Brilliant!
Liz- this is awesome. My husband and I were just talking about callings the other day and what the difference is between callings and personal interests. Are they one? Do they intertwine? Are they separate? I love that you are transparent and real in what you're struggling with and learning...I've discovered that most of the time when we're going through "deserts" or time of intense pain/learning that we're meant to share that with others to help them avoid/walk through similar situations. So, thanks for sharing your experience and the way God moves through you! I love how God's nature is meeting us where we are, like you said. I'll never be able to meet Him, so I am glad He meets me here! And I just hope I can in return meet people where they are.ReplyDelete
Thanks for sharing!