Sunday, March 27, 2011

i take a picture of you now, i take a picture of you later.

photographer: Irina Werning.
(double click on photos to enlarge)

Irina's parents IN 1970 & 2010, Buenos Aires


TOMMY IN 1977 & 2010, Buenos Aires


NICO IN 1990 & 2010, France

Nico in 1986 & 2010, Buenos Aires


La Negra 1980 and 2010, Buenos Aires


FLOR, MAL, SIL IN 1983 & 2010


DAMIAN IN 1989 & 2010, London


CECILE IN 1987 & 2010, France


BENN AND DAN IN 1979 & 2010, London

Ato 1992 & 2010, Buenos Aires

gwen.

Friday, March 25, 2011

wonderful idea for hardwood floors.

trust.

i try to do something everyday to keep, or sometimes, get me connected with God. i'll read, i'll go on a walk, i'll listen to a song and think about it, i'll listen and love a friend, i'll take a minute and sit quietly, or i'll put on some meditation music and think about one word. lately the word has been Peace.

today i read something that i thought i'd share.


When we are in fear we can do nothing less than pray to God, but our Lord has a right to expect that those who name His name should have an understanding confidence in Him. God expects His children to be so confident in Him that in any crisis they are the reliable ones. Our trust is in God up to a certain point, then we go back to the elementary panic prayers of those who do not know God. We get to our wits' end, showing that we have not the slightest confidence in Him and His government of the world; He seems to be asleep, and we see nothing but breakers ahead.

"O you of little faith." What a bullet must have shot through the disciples. And what a bullet will go through us when we suddenly realize that we might have produced downright joy in the heart of God by remaining absolutely confident in Him, no matter what was ahead.

There are stages in life when there is no storm, no crisis, when we do our human best; it is when a crisis arises that we instantly reveal upon whom we rely. If we have been learning to worship God and to trust Him, the crisis will reveal that we will go to the breaking point and not break in our confidence in Him.

- Oswald Chambers


when my dad died, i was faced with this test of Trust pretty hard. my dad died from a car accident. it wasn't a peaceful death. and i have to wake up knowing that God is good and trusting that i don't understand His ways all the time. i think a lot of us are scared of death because we forget or don't know what's on the other side of it.
it hurt.
it still hurts. and always will.
but i can't keep my dad here on earth with me. he's not supposed to be here with me. not anymore. and i have a choice to trust God with it all or not.

i do.

i do today, and i'll have to choose to trust Him again tomorrow.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

my childhood.

i have excluded movies and music bc that would be too extensive, but thought i'd reminisce today on a few things that made my childhood great.
if you have others to share, please do!

Friday, March 18, 2011

just, great.

if you don't have a great homepage for your computer, Nasa's website that gives a daily astronomy picture taken by the Hubble Telescope is pretty perfect.
check out today's:


so i've started back into dancing.

and it's helped. A LOT.

i didn't think i was going to be able to dance again. i've felt paralyzed by it all. numb. weak. and just powerless. and yet i opened my bible last night and came to Phil. 4:13.

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

and i sat there thinking about these words. i've read them a million times and understand them. but then i thought that maybe i didn't understand them. so i pulled an I Huckabees and started repeating the sentence over and over again until it made more sense. and what stuck out to me were the words "Him who". it's always been obvious to me that this phrase means that you can't rely on your own strength to get through things sometimes. and then i thought well what does that look like to "rely on God's strength"? how would you go about doing that? and those two words pushed me out of the driver's seat. and new words came in "Let go."

i never want to let go. i'm comfortable being in control of my life. what i do, who i kiss, what i eat, where i go, what i say... everything. and yet here i was, miserable and knowing i needed to change. i needed to get out the way. well i simply asked God, "how do i do that?" and He said something like, "you only have this moment, Elizabeth. so why don't we just concentrate on that first."

so today, i'm going to believe Bob Marley when he says everything's gonna be alright and i'm gonna keep my gaze up hoping and believing in something Good.

so thank you Bob and thank you God.

cheers.

"Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin': "Don't worry about
a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"

Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstepSingin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', ("This is my message to you-ou-ou:")

Singin': "Don't worry 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing
gonna be all right."
Singin': "Don't worry (don't worry) 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"

Thursday, March 17, 2011

i want my nails done like this and i want these shoes.

yaaas.



"An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold onto one blade of grass to keep from falling off the earth."


happy st. patty's day.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Monday, March 7, 2011

grief.

i miss my dad. i miss him every day. i didn't know how hard this was going to be. this dreadful thing of grief.

it was real nice walking around on this earth, knowing i had a daddy. knowing i had a dad who i could introduce my future husband to, who would walk me down the aisle to meet that husband, and who would hold my future children close to his chest while they listened to that all too familiar fake valve in his heart go clickclick...clickclick...clickclick. he had a valve in his heart replaced when i was 17.

my dad died on Valentine's Day this year. that was 4 weeks ago last night. ever since then i've had moments where i didn't think i could take it. that i couldn't accept this reality i find myself unwillingly in every second. a few days ago i caught myself tagging my dad in a photo, and had to stop. a few days before that, i had to erase his number out of my phone. the week prior, i had to begin packing up his apartment. and two days ago i had to carry my dad's ashes in the seat next to me, all the way home.

i wear his watch around my wrist now. it's a 1991 Duke NCAA National Championship watch. it's too big, but i don't want to get it adjusted. i like remembering how much bigger his wrists were than mine every time i have to take it off to wash my hands. it slides down and even though it's broken, i don't want to get it wet.

i didn't want to write about my dad. i just want my mourning to be over. i want to turn a blind eye to it and move forward. i'm a control monster and you can't control grief. so here i am writing..to the few people who read my thoughts hoping that it meets something in the need of that reader.
my pastor back in Atlanta reminded me today that we don't have tomorrow and, my friends, that should change your now. the way you live. i know i'm changed. i'm going to be real honest about something important. i've never understood what Christians mean when they talk about "living in light of Eternity". i get the idea, but i've never resonated with it. 
until now. 
my father's death has made me realize that this whole thing we have goin on on earth is a swinging door.

it is not the end.

even though i'm in a season of lament and pain, there is a hope that surpasses my understanding and i couldn't live without it. it rips my heart up inside and angers the hell out of me to know that there's an exorbitant amount of people out there who have such a terrible and false view of Christianity. i want to be able to articulate what the loving and sacrificial life of that beat up 3o-something year old carpenter did for me and how it changes everything. but i never seem to know how to. or at least i worry too much about how it comes out of my mouth and how people will take it. but maybe, hopefully, over the years, my disorganized and unhinged deliberations will make sense or help someone.

it's hard to submit. to let go. it's probably my biggest weakness. but how can i make myself fully available to God if i don't? what opportunities to heal or learn or grow would i be missing out on if i constantly licked my own wounds and kept my heart shut up in a box where no one could touch it?

a lot.

ode to Mumford and Sons. this song has helped me breathe this week.



video


And after the storm,

I run and run as the rains come
And I look up, I look up,
on my knees and out of luck,
I look up.

Night has always pushed up day
You must know life to see decay
But I won't rot, I won't rot
Not this mind and not this heart,
I won't rot.

And I took you by the hand
And we stood tall,
And remembered our own land,
What we lived for.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

And now I cling to what I knew
I saw exactly what was true
But oh no more.
That's why I hold,
That's why I hold with all I have.
That's why I hold.

I will die alone and be left there.
Well I guess I'll just go home,
Oh God knows where.
Because death is just so full and mine so small.
Well I'm scared of what's behind and what's before.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.