Tuesday, April 13, 2010

my misunderstanding.

needs to go away.

i was sittin here tonight watchin TV and my mind drifted away to all the worries and anxieties that i've been thinking about lately. should i move to LA? where does God want me to go? praying that i'm in right standing with him...that i'm enough out of his way to hear his voice before everyone else's as well as my own. i've been pondering over my future quite often lately. this pondering has led to meditation/prayer, as well as worrying and misunderstanding.
and as i sat here tonight i was thinking about the "nets" we're called to cast down for God and follow him. i've been figurin that my net is my fear. my biggest passion is performing, i LOVE the stage, but it is also my biggest fear...caring about what people think about me. and i was thinking about God and telling him that i've casted down my fear! i'm ready to roll. i want to run with him. this thirst i have was leaving me anxious. and then something simple yet crucial hit me.

what i'm called to lay down for God isn't my fear.
my way of thinking, my life style, and circumstances have led me to see it that way, but it is untrue.
my net is my misunderstanding. we have no clue who God is. because if we knew, really knew who God is,
we wouldn't fear.
we wouldn't be anxious.
we would trust.

and that's one hell of a slap. because it's not easy, and it's not kind all the time. there are a lot of things God wants us to lay down that we don't want to. but oh the joy that he gives us. the adventure, the freedom. to be who we were created to be and do what we were created to do. when i look at something arresting, like a sunset over mountains and know that God cares more about us than such a site, it is not unkind. it is his perfect love. it is the reason for living. to enjoy what he has given us and run with him.


  1. Preach.

    Your words are always so insightful and on point.

    I'm also battling to figure out what I need to do in life's journey and your words always seem to give me better understanding.


  2. that's so encouraging andre!! i'll continue writing and pray that we always continue learning from each other. thanks for your thoughts.

  3. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your heart in this season of your journey. You certainly expressed what all of us face in one way or another with regard to the understanding and pursuit of our life's purpose. As it relates, a golden rule I’ve learned is that our lives weren’t meant to be self-determined, but rather, selflessly discovered.

    What you stated is so true - often times, we get in the way of where God is wanting to lead us, how He is wanting to change us and what He is wanting to give us. I can share personally that EVERY TIME I’ve taken the wheel thinking I could navigate my life, I’ve driven my life off course, often landing in a ditch or even heading for a cliff!

    God once gave me a perspective that serves as a “life compass” I wanted to share – We shouldn’t seek God to bless OUR agenda, but rather, strive to be a blessing in HIS. It’s not about MY will be done, but that HIS Will be done, not only in the world but in my life. His Word states that we are to “...seek first His Kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. (Matthew 6:33)” This of course referring to the Father’s provision of all your needs – needs He is well aware of, including discovery and fulfillment of our life purpose. We often experience frustration, anxiety, fear and failure as a result of trying to provide for and rely solely on ourselves and our own strength and understanding. God tells us that if we put our initial focus on seeking Him first, He will guide and provide. Some may regard this act of focus and faith as giving up one’s control and one’s life, and in fact, that is true, but with a glorious reward – by doing so, we actually GAIN our true life for which it was created. In that, true fulfillment, joy, success and accomplishment are found. And in that, many others’ lives will be positively and powerfully impacted as well. It’s not just about our lives anymore.

    But I confess that I am the worst offender in terms of faltering back to my flesh habit of trying to do it all on my own. How much time and energy I’ve wasted. Not to mention, I’ve also realized looking back, that many times, what I really wanted to obtain or achieve wasn’t what I truly needed to. It’s like with a little kid I saw once at the store in the checkout line with his father. The kid wanted a candy bar so badly that he started crying and losing his temper. But the father sternly told his son that he wouldn’t get it, because an incredible dinner was being prepared for them at home, and he didn’t want his son to lose his appetite for the real meal. The boy’s father had the bigger perspective, and wanted to give his son much more than what the son had a craving for in that moment.

    My prayers continue to be with you, as you continue to pray and fast over the choices and decisions you are contemplating. Please continue to share your thoughts, stuggles and victories, as they are all an inspiration and encouragement!